Point System

For all those husbands out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: one single rule applies -- make your wife happy. Do something she likes and you get positive points. Do something she dislikes, you get negative points. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, that's the way it is.

Here is your guide.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed: +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -3

You go out to buy her Kleenex: +5
...But return with beer: -5

You leave the toilet seat up: -5
You leave the toilet lid down: -10
...After the lights are out: -30

You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a bat: +10
...It's her brother: -10

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side throughout the entire party: 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a guy: -1

….He is her brother: +1

….He is your archery playing pal: -5

….He is your college drinking buddy: -10

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
...Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night: -4
It's all of the above and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10

A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal: -5
The pal is happily married: -2
...Or frighteningly single: -7
...And he drives a BMW: -15

A Night Out With Her:

You take her to a movie: +2
You take her to a movie she likes: +4
You take her to a movie you hate: +10
You take her to a movie you like: -6

The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?": -5
You hesitate in responding: -10
You reply, "Where?": -35

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0
When she wants to talk, you listen for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +10
...She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -20

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly: -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it: +10
You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -30
You say, "I don't give a damn because you have one too": -800